The Kids Aren’t Alright

…No deeper meaning, that’s just literally the title of the Fall Out Boy song I’m listening to at the moment. Ahem. Anyway.

Jesus fuck, where to start.

Internal Screaming

This semester has been crazy, in some great ways and some not-so-great ways. Let’s break it down:

The Good

  • This semester of classes has gone spectacularly, even with adding another class at the very last minute (at the suggestion of one of my professors on the first day of class) and taking a full-time course load. So I’m taking Student Success Strategies (required freshman class, it’s kinda cute and quaint to someone like me who’s been in college since a billion years ago), Western Civilizations I, and English 112 (a basic required English class, Academic Writing and Research).
  • I’m gearing up to take another full-time course load in the Fall semester, along with applying for a work study position on campus (hopefully in the library or the writing center), applying to be a writing/English tutor on campus, and also applying to be a note-taker for other students who request help through student services. I’m also applying to enroll into the C-STEP program, which is a super competitive transfer program that guarantees admission to UNC-Chapel Hill.

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          Dude, yaaaassss! Bring it on.

  • I’m more or less emotionally stable, I’ve stayed consistent with my meds for almost three months now and it’s made a huge difference; I still have occasional moments of panic and anxiety, but I’m usually able to overcome them without any serious harm done. Not going to lie, Xanax is saving my life lately. 
  • Things with the boyfriend are still great, we just passed the four month mark. I still like him, he still likes me, everything is good. 

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I like you

The Bad

  • I’m not working currently. School got in the way of my job one too many times and I ended up putting school first. I stand by it, but I’m also out of a job for the time being.
  • Still dealing with moderate amounts of anxiety that like to pop up out of nowhere. 
  • I turned 29 at the end of June and I feel horrifically old. And yet still not old enough. I feel too young to be this old. What the hell. Who signed me up for this?
  • I will be drinking considerably less free coffee now that I’m not a barista anymore. Booooo.

Thor

The Ugly

  • I’m broke as all fuck and having to resort to accepting financial help from my parents, which at this stage in my life feels incredibly.. juvenile? Like, goddamn it, we should be past this point already. What the shit. I’m not impressed with myself. 

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And that’s basically all I’ve got right now. I’m still (mostly) active on Twitter, and definitely on Snapchat, so if another three months go by with no post I’m probably not dead. Probably.

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How to Conquer (Back to School) Anxiety

Tomorrow is my first day of college classes since 2009 (fuck I feel old) and I’m feeling that weird, jittery mix of nervous and excited.

Terrified

I’m torn between this, and…

Surprise Bitch

Surprise, bitch. Bet you thought you’d seen the last of me.

So many things are running through my head right now, like, “will college be pretty much the same as I remember it?” and “will I suck less at waking up early and actually going to class this time around?” My course load isn’t very intense, seeing as how it’s summer (and also trying to ease myself back into student life)— I’m only taking one on-campus class (Student Success Strategies) and one online class (Western Civilizations I). Want to know how I’m soothing my start-of-school anxiety (aside from the copious amounts of cocaine and alcohol?) KIDDING— I totally don’t drink.

1. Organizing my class supplies for tomorrow.

School Supplies

Yes, I really am that much of a slut for fancy stationery. 

2. Procrastinating on my other blog posts.

Yeah, I know. I’ve been seriously MIA for the last three weeks, but it hasn’t been for lack of trying on my part. That thing where you have a ton of content planned out, but then you sit down to write and you just hate every single word you put on the page? I have that. Whatever that is. I’m working on it.

3. Binge-watching America’s Next Top Model with my bestie.

Having a girl’s night queuing up ANTM season 6 on Hulu, going back to the old days where Janice was awesomely sassy and the two J’s rocked the show. #nostalgia

Basically.

4. Eating way too many doughnuts and chocolate chip cookies.

See #3.

5. Trying to figure out what I’m going to wear to class tomorrow.

Because I want to keep it casual and not have everyone giving me side-eye like “who the fuck is this chick in fishnets and combat boots?” but, I’m also pretty sure that I can’t just roll out of bed and wear pajamas to class like I could back in my dorm days. Hmm. It’s probably a good idea just to follow the wise words of The Surpreme:

Wear something black

6. Feeling psyched to go see Deadpool 2 AGAIN tomorrow!

When all else fails, look forward to Deadpool. I saw D2 for the first time on Friday, and I loved it so much that I’m going to see it again as soon as class lets out tomorrow morning.

7. Getting ready to settle down and get a good night’s sleep.

Taking a shower, taking my meds, laying out clothes for tomorrow, getting my bag with my class stuff ready in case I oversleep and have to run out the door (very likely), listening to my favorite podcast, charging my bedside crystals (I’ve been having a lot of nightmares lately, but my bloodstone / black tourmaline / onyx combination has helped.)

Shower

8. Mentally preparing myself to kill my schedule tomorrow.

I get to work for three hours in the morning (I agreed to take over a shift for a coworker, which I don’t actually mind because yaaaassss coffee!) Then I’m heading to class, then to see Deadpool, then right back to work for my actual scheduled shift. Crazy. Busy. Day. But it’s going to be okay, because I’m excited and I’ve been waiting for this day for months now (ever since I decided to definitely go back to school)— I feel ready. Let’s kill it.

Witch Up

P.S. I’m going to try to get better about managing Hugs + Hexes, and also be more present on Twitter, etc. (I can’t promise it will be anything earth-shattering, some days it might be like “I woke up on time and made toast for breakfast, whoa.” because my life is very exciting.)

P.P.S. I sometimes post silly things on Snapchat. Sometimes it’s just me giving snarky side-eye. Sometimes it’s straight up food porn.

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How is it already 2am & why am I still awake?

Oh, right. Coffee. Duh. 

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It’s been one of those days (nights? early mornings?) where I’ve gotten sucked into working on something, and then I look up and four hours have gone by without me even noticing. I started working on my bullet journal earlier, then suddenly I looked up and it was 1am. What kind of sorcery is this?!

Today was good, though. Spent last night and most of today with the boyfriend; we went around town this morning running errands and being adulty and getting coffee, then came home and accidentally spent the entire afternoon napping. Oops? #sorrynotsorry

Had dinner and girl’s night out with Theresa, which involved (surprise) more coffee! So four hours of napping and five shots of espresso later, I think I’m starting to see why I’m still awake. My adulting is on point today, A+. Gold stars all around.

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We went window shopping while we were out earlier, and it ended up turning less into window shopping and more into oh shit where did all my money just go? Is anyone surprised? No. Self control: I still suck at it. But on the plus side, I got a few new essential oils to use with the amazing diffuser that Cain surprised me with last week.

Essential Oils

All about that #crystalwitch life. 

I also got completely distracted with my bullet journal tonight; I started working on new spreads for May around 9:30 pm, then all of the sudden it was after midnight. Caffeine is a beautiful, beautiful drug. To anyone not enmeshed in the bullet journal/planner community, this will probably sound like gibberish, but I found the Leuchtturm1917-style dotted notebooks back in stock at my local Walmart today, finally! For perspective, the Leuchtturm1917 dotted bullet journal usually runs anywhere from $19.99-$24.99, depending on where you find it. The Walmart brand dotted notebook is the same size, same page count, same everything, for $6.64. There are a few minor differences, but you pretty much have to be a total stationery snob to get really hung up on them. And don’t get me wrong, I am a total stationery snob— but I’m also a very poor stationery snob who can’t afford to drop almost $30 every time I want a new notebook. I’m honestly a bit upset; I wish I’d known that Walmart was going to have them in stock again since I just spent almost $20 on my current bullet journal (Moleskine A5 dotted) two weeks ago at Target. Ugh.

Glare

But I was bored earlier, and decided to entertain myself by doing a daily journal style page in my bullet journal (which I don’t normally do, usually I’m a “just the facts” kind of planner girl). I shamelessly ripped off a handful of spreads I found on Pinterest and made a Currently page, and I actually like how it turned out.

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Such cute. Very color. Wow.

The other highlights of the day included getting my hair cut (my side shave needed some serious maintenance), going to chick-fil-a, and getting Starbucks twice in one day (winning!) Yeah okay, my life is pretty boring. Sorry. But at least my hair is cute now.

Pink sparkly Snapchat hearts are so my aesthetic.

And speaking of Snapchat, if you want to follow and/or chat and/or snap with me, here you go:

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I only wish I could be as cute as my bitmoji, let’s be real.

And it’s pushing 3:30 am now, which just proves that I’m amazing at wasting time when excessively caffeinated. I have the pleasure of going back to work tomorrow, and hopefully will avoid another encounter with PsychoticCustomer#394. But, on the off chance that I do run into him again, I’ll be better prepared to deal with his fuckery without being completely blindsided.

Middle Finger

Basically.

“Kill him.”

And with that timely bit of Deadpool wisdom, I’m out. Also because it’s 4 am, and what the fuck. Good night.

I need more wine.

Long Week

This has been exactly my day. Except, you know, Sunday. I’m not sure there’s enough wine in the world to do this day justice. Between working retail on a Sunday, and having to deal with absolutely the most “what the FUCK?” customer situation I’ve ever had thrown my way.. Let’s just say it was a very stress-inducing (albeit morbidly entertaining) day.

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Legit about to be my night. 

Okay though, I’m just going to let it all out, because I hear that bottling up your emotions gives you ulcers and shit.

So.

Dear asshole customer, did it feel good to get loud and uppity and make your scene in front of everyone in the store, all over how my hair and clothing looked, no less? Did you feel morally justified that, since you spend “hundreds of dollars” in our store every week, it’s totally okay to single out employees whose appearance you decide you don’t like and make bizarre judgments about their abilities and work ethic (although thanks for letting me know that apparently I worship Satan, because I had no idea until you told me, and now I feel like I may have found my true calling in life!)

But seriously, dude, what the hell? When is it ever okay to go into a place of business and pick a fight with their staff and management because you don’t like someone’s dress style? When is it ever okay to walk up to an unsuspecting employee, start taking pictures of them on your iPhone, and then tell them that you’re going to forward those pictures to the corporate office in an attempt to have them fired? In what strange, fucked up universe is this acceptable? 

Let me tell you, if you had been just some loud, obnoxious customer who wanted to get angry and vent, I would have been fine ignoring you; we work in retail, and we get people like you every day. But can you think outside your own tiny, fucked up box for a second and imagine how icky it must have felt as a twenty-something female employee just going about business as usual to look up and see some middle aged male customer taking photos of her? How was I supposed to know what you wanted them for? All I knew in that moment was that I felt threatened and deeply uncomfortable, and I shouldn’t have to be made to feel that way at my job.

But hey— in the end, the joke was on you, because I’m betting you weren’t expecting the entire store management team to step in quite so swiftly, or for them to have my back so completely, or for them to recommend that I call the police to file a complaint and have you escorted out of the store. It’s probably a good thing you decided to leave before the officers arrived, but please know that the complaint has been filed, and that if you decide to come back and make another scene like you did today, you’ll be looking for a new place to shop soon.

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And now if you’ll all excuse me, I have a bottle of wine to go enjoy.

Hi; I’m Awkward and Bad at Social Things.

Bitchcraft is my personal blog, where I get to vent and be R-rated and snarky and use tons of awesome gifs. My main blog, Hugs + Hexes, is a little more chill; it’s all about self-care, responsible adulting, and practicing good mental health. Bitchcraft is where I’ll be going on those days when my mental health has gone to shit and I just need a good scream.

So, with that being said….. hi. I’m Rachel. I’m socially awkward and I swear a lot. I moonlight as a blogger, but by day I’m a barista who dies a little inside every time someone orders a “mocha latte” (IT’S JUST A MOCHA, SUSAN.) I’m a super introvert, and being around a ton of strangers honestly gives me anxiety (which makes retail a perfect environment to work in, obvs) but I think I’ve practiced my Resting Bitch Face to perfection.

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Introduction posts really aren’t my thing, they always feel awful and forced, so I’m going to wrap this up here. But I guess I should say that, despite being an introvert, I really am pretty friendly, and I do like meeting new people online through my blog (I’m all about that non-face-to-face contact!) So feel free to leave comments, send emails, or find me on social media. I’m not that scary, I promise.

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